The negative effects of perfectionism on mental health

As hard as I try to hold myself to high standards, I’ve discovered I’m not a machine. I still look in the mirror and find a human being looking back at me, with all of my flaws, faults and positives as well.

Sometimes I expect so much from myself, when I make a mistake or say something wrong I ruminate over it. I’m terribly hard on myself, especially when I make mistakes or hurt someone’s feelings. Perfection, as we all know, is impossible. Yet, it’s something I’ve had to fight through most of my life.

A lot of people I’m sure can relate to what it’s like to strive for perfection. When you’re an Olympic athlete, high standards, drive, determination and – yes – sometimes even perfection helps us land on the world stage.

Then, the game is over and real life begins.

Striving for perfection can be a significant source of stress and anxiety, ultimately leading to negative effects on our mental health. Here are a few reasons why:

1. Fear of Failure. When we strive for perfection, we often feel intense pressure to meet impossibly high standards. This can lead to a fear of failure, which can be a significant source of anxiety. The fear of not being “good enough” is undermining to our mental health and can lead to negative self-talk, which diminishes our sense of self-worth.
2. Procrastination and avoidance: When we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, it can lead to procrastination and avoidance. We may become overwhelmed with the task at hand, not knowing where or how to begin, and end up putting it off. This can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and a sense of failure.
3. Negative self-talk: Perfectionists often engage in negative self-talk, criticizing themselves for not meeting their own high standards. This can lead to a negative self-image, low self-esteem, and increase the risk of developing depression or anxiety.
4. Burnout: Constantly pushing ourselves to meet unrealistic expectations can lead to burnout, a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion. Individuals who experience burnout often feel drained, lack motivation, and have difficulty finding pleasure in activities they used to enjoy.

I’ve spent much time and resources in therapy over the years learning how to not ruminate over mistakes and learn how to give myself a break. I practice forgiveness of self and others. When I make mistakes I try to learn from it and quickly pick up the pieces and move forward.

Every now and then I hit a bump in the road. My healthy coping strategies go out the window and I land myself back into the swirl of playing the mistakes over and over and over again. Why did I do that? Why did I say that? How could I have done this better?

~sigh~

What I have learned is – there is really a tremendous amount of freedom in owning our truths. I own my perfectionism. I let it play out a little. I give myself a break. I learn from my mistakes. I might get frustrated. I might cry (much more rare for me). I shake my head. I smile. I laugh at myself.

And then…

I move on.

Because I have learned over the years if we hold on to perfection for too long and let it rule our lives, it will really take a dent in our mental health. It can trigger obsessive thinking, interupt sleep with thoughts that won’t stop and the list is goes on and on.

I’m very quick to forgive other people when they have wronged me. I’m learning it’s okay to quickly forgive myself too.

Here’s to recognizing our human imperfection! It’s okay not to be perfect. 🙂

Amy Gamble

Author – Olympian – Speaker