Tag: mental illness

A Letter from my sixth sense about suicide

by Amy Gamble, posted in Uncategorized

For anyone who may struggle with suicidal thoughts…

Don’t quit. Don’t you dare quit. When you’ve struggled you’ve always made it through. I promise you, you will get back up and be bigger, faster and stronger. Your light was meant to shine for a very long time. Don’t put out your light before you’re called.

Erase the whole idea that giving up is even a possibility. I know it’s hard for you. But taking your own life isn’t a solution. The only thing suicide should be is a thought and never an action. The moment you have those thoughts I want you to think of our conversation. The time when you confided in me how after the first time you wanted to die, literally three years later you walked into Olympic Stadium as a 1988 Olympian. If you die by suicide the ripple effect of all the good you did would be erased.

And that’s what you have to think about. The ripple in the water you want to create. All the people, places and things you want to see and touch. The legacy you want to leave. Don’t cut yourself short, because I know for a fact that things will look better in the morning. The moment you open your eyes and take a breath. Your problems may not go away overnight, but you may look at them a little differently. And if you don’t, talk yourself through another day with the promise that tomorrow will be just a little bit brighter.

So, don’t you quit. Don’t you dare quit. Don’t indulge those dark, toxic thoughts. There is help. There is hope. And most importantly there is love. More love than you can imagine. Open your mind to the possibility and hope that your emotional pain will have a powerful salve.

Believe healing is possible. Time may not heal all wounds, but it sure helps. The more distance you get from a difficult situation the lesser the pain it inflicts.

For your friends who struggle, have them make a mantra for the dark nights and soul less days. In that mantra make sure they tell themselves suicide is not an option.

Every action begins with a thought. Control the thought..control the action. Even impulsive decisions start with a thought. Monitor your thoughts.

Above anything, if your friend is struggling don’t drink a drip of alcohol. It clouds judgement and erases our ability to think rationally. No booze and no pills. Your life depends on it.

I know that apathetic feeling well. A shrug of the shoulders, a tilt of the head and there you have it a desperate notion to just give up.

Don’t do it. Don’t you quit. Tell yourself right now, “I’m not going to quit. I’m going to fight no matter what!”

Life is a precious gift. Hold on to yours gently and remind yourself how worthy and beautiful you are. Things will work out, I promise. Everything always works out.

This is written for suicide prevention month. I am personally not struggling with suicidal thoughts. I’ve written this in hopes of helping someone who might be struggling.

Amy gamble

Amy is an author and former Olympian who writes about mental health. Her second book, “Unsilenced,” will be published in 2024.

www.amygambleauthor.com

Winning the Battle Against Depression: Tips and Strategies

by Amy Gamble, posted in Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Mental Illness, Recovery, Uncategorized

My First Battle with Depression

My first introduction to the depression doldrums came when I was about 14 years old. I remember having a difficult time getting out of bed, feeling really sad and having zero motivation to want to do anything. It seems what caused my depression is less relevant now than how I managed to overcome it. Because when we struggle with depression that’s what we have to do – fight.

From that moment of being a teenager and well into my adulthood, I had many depressive episodes. Some lasted longer than others, but they were all brutal. Those episodes made me a shadow of myself. They left me feeling empty, despondent and sometimes very cynical. I wrote about my experience with depression in a blog post called, “I am depression.”

Persronal Medicine Coaching

Since those years, I’ve come to learn multiple strategies for battling depression. I’m going to share what has worked for me over the years. I also have learned tips and strategies for helping others manage depression from my training as a Personal Medicine Coach. A Certified Personal Medicine Coach is an expert in supporting people as they discover and use Personal Medicine in their recovery.

Personal Medicine supports recovery-oriented practice, is evidence-based and has been shown to increase activation which leads to more robust health outcomes. The practice of Personal Medicine meets SAMHSA’s criteria for recovery-based practice and the core competencies of peer support.

In my experience as a Personal Medicine Coach and in my experience as someone who has faced off with depression on numerous occasions, I’ve found the following strategies to be very helpful.

Tips and Strategies to Deal with depression

1. Seek professional help – Consider seeking help from a therapist or psychiatrist for counseling or medication. It’s much easier to stay on top of depression, if you treat it early. If you’ve been struggling with symptoms for more than two weeks, think about seeking out some help. If you don’t see a psychiatrist, you can start with your primary care physician. The longer you wait the more difficult the healing journey will become.

2. Talk to someone – Talking to someone you trust, such as a friend or family member, can help you cope and make you feel less alone. If you are feeling severely depressed, do not hesitate to contact a crisis helpline. 988 is the suicide crisis hotline in the United States.

3. Practice self-care – Get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly. Participate in activities that you enjoy or that make you feel good. Even though it can be so incredibly difficult to get out of bed and attempt to exercise, it’s one of the best ways to fight back against depression.

As for eating healthy foods, that’s always been one of my warning signs for a depressive episode – I’d get drawn to eating candy and sweets in my attempt to improve my mood. This always left me with a 15-20 pound weight gain at the end of a depressive episode. Now, I attempt to catch the symptoms early and try to stay away from the things that I know are not good for me.

4. Reframe negative thoughts – Try to question or challenge negative thoughts that come to mind, focusing on facts rather than assumptions or judgments. This is far easier said than done. Getting negative is also one of my warning signs that something isn’t quite right, as I’m usually a positive person. Changes in the way we think are a part of living with the symptoms of mental illness. Being aware of our thoughts can help us guard against the negative spiral that can happen from depression.

5. Make a routine and stick to it – Establishing a routine can help create structure and stability in your life, which can be particularly helpful for those who find themselves feeling unmotivated or lost.

6. Surround yourself with positivity – Spend time with people who uplift you, and consider engaging in activities that help you feel good. When you feel depressed no one wants to spend time with others who are feeling good. Sometimes being around other people uplifts me and other times it makes me feel bad that I didn’t feel good. But I do know isolation makes depression worse. Finding people who accept me for whatever mood I’m in and help uplift my spirits is helpful.

7. Seek support from others with similar experiences – Join a support group or online community that understands what you are going through. The Depression Bipolar Support Alliance is an excellent organization that provides supports groups at no cost.

Experiences with depression are unique

It is essential to recognize that each individual’s experience with depression is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. If you are struggling with depression, setting up a support system and seeking help, and working with your health care provider are good steps towards finding relief. 

Best of luck in your battle with depression! Remember: depression doesn’t last forever, things will get better and you won’t always feel bad. Never give up the fight!

Amy Gamble

Author – Olympian – Activist

Author and Olympian

Amy Gamble

Amy Gamble is a National Award winning Mental Health Advocate. She’s taught hundreds of hours of classes in Mental Health First Aid and has been a sought after speaker on topics related to mental health.

www.amy-gamble.com

Five tips for managing anxiety

by Amy Gamble, posted in anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Never Give Up

More than 30% of adults in the United States have an anxiety disorder. A normal amount of anxiety is actually a way the brain responds to harmful situations or even stressful events. But when anxiety begins to interfere with sleep, daily activities and work it may be time to seek out some help.

When we do seek help for mental health conditions, we often get caught in this mode of a “pill” will fix my problem. It’s natural to think a medication might help you feel better. But taking a pill for any kind of mental health condition is only part of the solution. 

In my experience, medications have never healed me. They’ve been a part of the solution for helping me to manage PTSD and bipolar disorder. But what helped me in my recovery journey and what helps me manage my conditions is the many self-help strategies I’ve learned over the years.

Here are five tips for managing anxiety.

  • Focus on your breath

It seems rather basic to suggest focusing on breathing. But when we experience anxiety the tendency is to hold our breath or breath in short shallow breaths. When we call attention to our breath and focus on breathing deeply while counting to four or five, it’s actually kind of amazing at how effective it is to get some instant relief. It won’t make the anxiety disappear, but it’s one way to get some relief.

  • Use a grounding technique

There are numerous grounding techniques which help take the focus off of a particular random thought, worrying thought or perhaps even an obsessive thought. I like doing things that ground me in the present moment. I’ll pay close attention to my surroundings by noticing what I see, hear, smell, feel and taste. Sometimes I’ll think about a color and try to find everything in the room or outdoors with the same color I’m thinking about. Other times I’ll shift my worrying thought and focus on something that makes me feel good. I have pets, so paying attention to them is also grounding. The key is to get your mind off of the troublesome thought and onto something that brings more of a sense of peace. This strategy works best when combined with breathing. 

  • Exercise. Exercise. Exercise.

Not only is exercise great for physical health, it’s one of the best positive strategies for managing any kind of mental health condition. When we exercise our brain shuts off the anxious thoughts and focuses on what we are doing. If we’ve been worrying about something, we get transported into the present moment and into our bodies where we pay attention to working our muscles. Exercise can be anything where you’re moving your body. It can be housecleaning, cutting grass, walking a distance into the store. I was able to eliminate one of the medications I’ve been taking for anxiety, because of regular exercise. Start small and go slow. You’ll be surprised on how great you’ll feel.

  • Repeat a mantra

Coming up with a simple phrase that reassures ourselves is very effective in dealing with anxiety. I like the phrase, “Everything is going to be okay.” Or “I’m okay. Things will work out.” It’s amazing when we take the time to focus on a positive thought, it’s much harder for a negative worrying thought to enter our minds. You can come up with whatever mantra resonates with you. 

  • Refocus on things you can control

When we feel anxious, we worry about things outside of our control. Those worrying thoughts tend to multiply and make us feel even more anxious. The key is to focus on what we can control. It sounds like an easy task and it can be if we work at it. I like to a take deep breath in and exhale with an intentional thought on something I can control. It also helps to take a piece of paper and write down in two columns – the things I can control – the things I can’t control. 

I hope you find some of these tips helpful. You’ll be surprised on how these simple strategies will help manage anxiety.

Thanks for reading. If you like the content, don’t forget to subscribe to my blog.

Amy Gamble

Mental Health Advocate

Olympian – Author – Speaker

Pay attention to Mental Health warning signs and make the turn!

by Amy Gamble, posted in Uncategorized

You’re driving down a road and suddenly see a sign indicating a sharp turn. Do you slow down? If you don’t you risk going over a steep cliff. It doesn’t mean you “will” go over the cliff…it’s importantly a warning sign to prevent an accident or death.

I’ve been a person in the past who ignored the warning signs for my mental health. At almost every turn I went off a steep cliff, nearly resulting in a pre-mature death while lost in the wilderness during a psychotic episode.

I don’t recommend ignoring the warning signs.

The one major warning sign for all mental health conditions (a.k.a. – mental illness) is the interruption of sleep. Have you ever had so much stress when you laid down to sleep the thoughts raced in your mind? Your sleep was interrupted and resulted in you feeling horrible the next day.

Chronic stress impacts are sleep habits. According to the National Institute of Health, “Sleep is important to a number of brain functions, including how neurons communicate with each other. Recent finding suggest sleep removes toxins in your brain.”

After years of ignoring warning signs I’m now hyper vigilant. If I forget every other warning sign, the fact I focus on my sleep–how little or how much–keeps me mentally healthy. If I sleep too much, it’s a good sign I’m cycling into a depressive episode and I use every coping mechanism possible to pull myself out before it gets severe.

If I sleep too little I risk having a hypomanic or manic episode. Hypomania is my warning sign. Allowing too many days without sleep revs my brain so much I can’t think straight and my thoughts race like a runaway train. I do everything in my power to prevent this from happening.

You don’t have to have a mental health condition to have poor mental health.

Coronavirus is impacting our mental health in ways that are known and in ways not yet known. Tom Insel a leading researcher and former head of the National Institute of Health notes deaths by suicide, opiod addictions and significant increases in depression will happen as a result of this pandemic.

This is a warning sign.

If each individual person knew the warning signs for mental health, we could change the curve of what is predicted. Mental health is about thinking, emotions, behavior and how we interact with others as a result of all those things.

Paying attention to our behaviors can give us warning signs. An extra glass of wine on occasion, no big deal. An entire bottle on more than one occasion, red flag. Did you know two glasses of wine a day put a man and one glass for a woman put you at risk for developing a substance use problem?

Self-medicating with drugs and alcohol is very common. I’ve fallen into the trap of drinking too much alcohol, before I even knew self-medication was a “thing.” I pay close attention to what I drink, when I drink and how much I drink if I consume any alcohol at all.

Drugs were never something I was into. Taking prescription drugs to manage a condition is one thing, using them inappropriately is another. These are all warning signs.

My suggestion is to search for positive coping tools, like mindfulness, exercise, proper sleep, meditation, reaching and connecting with a friend.

Most importantly: Get real with how you feel.

And if you aren’t feeling mentally healthy reach out for help. As my Aunt Mary Francis always used to say, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” To this I say, “Amen!”

When we bend, we don’t break!

by Amy Gamble, posted in Uncategorized

I never understood how people could consider a mental illness a “gift.” The very idea of having a disability be a gift made me cringe with disgust. How could anything that caused so much pain, disappointment, embarrassing situations, and extensive losses ever be anything but a freaking curse?

And then 2020 arrived and here we all are in the middle of a dramatic, traumatic worldwide pandemic. Ironically for me to change my perspective about bipolar disorder being a gift, it had to be an earth shattering situation. A metaphoric tsunami.

At last I see the gift.

I’ve seen many articles written about how hard of a time this is for especially people who have serious mental illness. I’m not in that statistic. This time, while not easy for me, this situation I’ve used as a personal growth and reflection opportunity. That is my secret to surviving.

Here is how I see my gift working for me.

Everyday I wake up starts with a mental health check-in. How did I sleep? How are my thoughts? Am I groggy or do I have lots of energy? Do I feel depressed? Am I hopeful? Optimistic? Or do I just feel like going back to bed and sleeping away the blues? I accept whatever I feel. I don’t resist it.

I’ve learned how to manage a mental health condition by monitoring my thinking, emotions and behavior. I watch and reflect on how my brain functions.

Sounds exhausting. But when your brain never shuts off it must be occupied with something productive. So I give it tasks.

When I can’t slow my thoughts down I read to focus. I read and read and read because it’s productive and it helps me to apply my gift.

And as quickly as I can hone in on structure, tasks and discipline it’s as if a switch turns off in my brain and all I want to do is feel the breeze on my cheeks. I drift off in a free wheeling creative space that allows me to relax and dream and just be.

I never really understood how bipolar disorder affected me because it’s simply always been a part of me. Intense focus and goal driven behaviors, high achievement, and a level of empathy that hards to find. Followed sometimes in a flashing moment with a pensive subdued mood, without a care for consequences.

As I’ve learned to successfully manage bipolar disorder I’ve been given many insights to human behavior. Mostly my own. But I understand and grasp mental health to a degree I never would have if it weren’t for this great challenge in life I’ve been given.

The beauty of the gift is being able to share these insights and accumulated knowledge.

This time we are living in is best managed like a tree that is bending in the midst of a tornado. When we bend we don’t break.

Traumatic events can feel like they go on forever and continue to repeat. We are living daily in a real time traumatic event. But it doesn’t have to go on forever, nor does it have to repeat in our minds.

Staying in the present moment is a healthy coping strategy in handling everyday stress and in managing traumatic events. Bipolar disorder and all the subsequent related events around it gave me the gift of knowing and feeling how powerful the present really is.

It’s savoring all the little things in the moment. Simple things. Your child’s smile. The scoop of ice cream you put in your bowl anticipating the cool sweetness you are about to taste. For me it’s putting up a bird feeder and watching all the beautiful birds have a feeding party among different colors, shapes and sizes of nature’s gifts.

Sometimes when we are going through tough times it’s hard to see the good in that situation. Negatives don’t suddenly turn into positives. But what can happen is realizing our brains are built to bend in difficult circumstances. And when we bend we don’t break.

Because of bipolar disorder, my new found gift, I share these insights with you, because without it I might have broken long ago.

Be safe friends. There are hidden gifts in every circumstance.

Amy Gamble

When depression comes all I ask for is “just one more day!”

by Amy Gamble, posted in Advocacy, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Inspiration, Mental Health Advocacy, Mental Illness, Never Give Up, Uncategorized

I’ve been speaking and teaching about Mental Health and Mental Illness for the past five years and writing about my own personal experience for six years. The line from one of my talks that rings in my head is, “Physical illness makes mental health worse and mental illness makes physical health worse.” It seems rather intuitive to think of it in those terms.  Of course when you have a cold or flu you aren’t ready to change the world. You want to curl up on the couch while you feel miserable and hope the symptoms go away as soon as possible.

In my efforts to learn about how best to manage my own bipolar disorder I discovered almost every single time I got bronchitis, a cold, pneumonia – a depressive episode was getting triggered. It may last for weeks or months. But the episode, as you may expect, would drag my mood further down and in one big cycle my physical symptoms would feel worse.

After years of dealing with this episodic condition I’d happily admit I’ve gotten a bit paranoid about depression. Why happily admit? Because for so many years this cycle would happen and I’d have no idea what was happening or why or what I could do to fight it. I simply muddled my way through and struggled.

On January 2 when I got pneumonia/bronchitis and was told I had a nodule on my lung, my spirits were naturally disappointed. And then this massive cloud of paranoia swept over me about whether or not depression would follow. Was I going to get over my physical illness and then have to deal with a long, tiresome struggle of depression? I worried. I cried. I pouted. I probably even muttered a few “it’s just not fair” comments in there.

Then, I got some good news about the lung nodule–only scar tissue. Relief. Check that worry filled box off. Certainly good for the mental health to get some positive news about your physical health.

Over the weekend my friend Margaret called and invited me to come visit her in Florida. I told her I was sick, tired, frustrated and depressed. She said, “I know. I can tell.” It made me feel really good to know someone cared about me that much to reach out and pick up the phone and invite me into her home knowing I was not in the best of spirits. I was touched. Having a friend is so important. Someone who cares and understands the battle of mental health conditions. Priceless.

Margaret suggested that night I take out a notebook and write down my thoughts. They could even be one word. Write my feelings. I did it the next day. As she mentioned I did feel a little better after getting everything down on paper. But there were words and phrases I picked up on that I knew signaled depression had reared it’s head.

It was actually kind of a relief. Recognizing and differentiating the physical blahs with the depressive filter. Realizing I was sliding down a bit gave me a chance to fight back. What were some things I could do to make sure I didn’t slide further into a dark abyss or as an old friend Julie used to say, “Gamble went to her cave.” The cave was code word for depression isolation.

As much as I’d like to will my chronic bronchitis cough away after six weeks, I can’t. As much as I’d like not to have the flu thrown on top of the cough, I can’t control it. But when it comes to the depression there are some things I can do to fight back. I can balance taking care of myself physically with completely isolating myself. I can listen to meditation and piano music that soothes my soul. I can try not to solve all my challenges and over think everything since I have so much time on my hands. I can burn my clove candle. I can read my BP Magazine and look for other tips. I can keep a positive attitude.

And still…it doesn’t make it fun, easy, or any less difficult to have to deal with a mental and a physical health issue all at one time. I do find value in knowing what is happening to me. I do find relief believing the way I’m feeling will get better. The cough will go away, the flu will reside, I’ll get my energy back and my spirits will lift.

Soon, I’ll be out of my cave and among the living again.

For those of you reading who struggle with bipolar or depression know you are not alone in the battle. Your feelings are valid. Your battle is real. I suggest accepting how you feel and then taking control of the things you know you can do.

I will tell all of you what I tell myself, never give up fighting.

When I was struggling with very severe depression years ago, I wrote a song on the piano. I never wrote a lot of music but I did write a few original songs. The title of the song was “God give me just one more day.”

Here’s to one more day.

Wishing you well,

Amy Gamble

 

I have bipolar disorder and it’s not my fault

by Amy Gamble, posted in Advocacy, Bipolar Disorder, Mental Illness, Never Give Up, Recovery, Uncategorized

I’ve been really open about my struggles with bipolar disorder.  Before I had a good handle on this illness it really rocked my world.  I’ve come to learn that bipolar disorder will destroy your life if you don’t get the proper treatment and learn how to manage the condition.  It can be life threatening during times of severe depression episodes and suicidal thoughts.  It can put us at risk during manic episodes which often lead to psychotic episodes.

After my initial diagnosis I felt terribly ashamed.  The other day I was thinking about an analogy people might be able to relate to.  If you’ve ever had a night of drinking way too much alcohol and you engaged in embarrassing behaviors, the next day you might wake up with not only a hangover but guilty feelings about your behavior.  The things you said and did while drunk didn’t take away the fact you said and did those things.

This is what happened to me during manic and psychotic episodes.  I’d say and do things and then when I was stable I’d have to deal with the guilt of what happened.  The guilt leads to shame and the terrible tapes rolled in my head about what a bad person I was for having been sick.

But after many years of learning about bipolar disorder, I don’t feel badly about what happened to me while sick.  I’ve come to learn that I have bipolar disorder and it’s not my fault.  What is my accountability is now that I’m stable I need to manage my condition so well I won’t ever end up in a compromising position again.

But if for some reason I have break through symptoms, I’m not going to be ashamed.  I’m going to be proactive and do everything I can to manage my condition.  And if I have moments where I feel a little paranoid, make up a story or two based on that paranoia, I’ll live with it too.

One day people are going to realize mental illness doesn’t make you crazy, it just makes us vulnerable.  I wouldn’t blame myself for having cancer.  I’m not going to blame myself for having a mental illness.  And neither should the general public.

 

 

 

 

Getting off the bipolar rollercoaster!

by Amy Gamble, posted in Advocacy, Bipolar Disorder, Uncategorized

rollercoaster

I was having a conversation with a mental health care professional.  We were discussing the need to treat bipolar disorder.  The conversation was inspired by a young man I met who had his first episode of bipolar disorder.  I’ll call him Matt.

After he was released from the hospital Matt came to talk with me at his mother’s request.  He told me about smoking a lot of marijuana with high THC levels.  And I replied, “Not sure if you know this but it can cause psychosis in people who are at risk for mental illness.”  He answered, “Yeah.  I know.  They told me that at the hospital.”

We continued our discussion and it was clear to me after three weeks in the hospital Matt was still not stable.  He admitted to “cheeking” his medications.  The hospital than begin to give him injections.

So, as I was discussing with the psychologist about what happens to people with bipolar disorder who have had psychotic episodes and don’t stay with a treatment plan, I said, “Matt is headed down a bad pathway, if he doesn’t stay with his treatment.”  The psychologist looked at me and said, “None of us have a crystal ball Amy.”

Well…I wouldn’t claim to be clairvoyant but I am rather intuitive.  More importantly I have seen my family members struggle without the proper treatment (my sister had over 40 hospitalizations), I personally have had my own challenges and every single person who I have met with bipolar disorder road a rollercoaster until they got the proper treatment.

I had another experience just a few short weeks ago with a person who I helped get to the hospital.  She was released long before she was stable.  I was livid.  She is now a missing person.  Her brother said to me, “I can see how people become homeless.”

I’m not intending for this to be a downer blog post.  There is a lot of hope when it comes to mental illness and bipolar disorder.  I live a meaningful, productive life.  But I also have been on that rollercoaster ride.  Even if I’m not a psychic, I know with 99% accuracy, if you don’t take bipolar disorder seriously, it will destroy your life and will impact the lives of everyone in it.

The mental health care system is terribly broken.  And mental health care professionals must start educating people about their conditions, including the possibilities of what can happen if the proper treatment plan is not in place.

I see two doors.  Door number one is not taking medication and staying on a high-low rollercoaster that wrecks havoc and keeps us sick.  Door number two is difficult.  But we learn everything we can and keep learning about wellness strategies, how to recognize symptoms, how to deal with depressive episodes, how to keep fighting.  It’s not an easy peaceful path.  But door number two…is the audience choice on Let’s Make a Deal.

We can’t allow our frustrations with something we deal with on a daily basis to keep us from persevering.  If you live with bipolar disorder, you must learn as much as you can about this illness.  It is manageable, treatable and you can learn to live with it.  Doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.  But as with other illnesses a person who has it must take responsibility.

None of us bought the ticket for the rollercoaster ride bipolar disorder takes us on.  But when you can get off the ride, life gets a whole lot better.

Winning against bipolar disorder with my faith as my anchor

by Amy Gamble, posted in Advocacy, Bipolar Disorder, Inspiration, Recovery, Stigma, Uncategorized

anchored graphic1

“As I lie in my bed trying to squeeze out the suicidal thoughts, the horrific pain of being all alone without one friend in the entire world, and the mortifying realization that in that moment I couldn’t care for myself, I turned to what had always gotten me through the tough times.  I turned to my anchor, which is my faith in God.”

There are a lot of stereotypes and misunderstandings about bipolar disorder and those of us who live with it on a daily basis are subject to these misperceptions.  Just last week I was giving a talk at a conference on the stigma of mental illness and addiction.  Most of the feedback was positive, but there was one person who said, “Bipolar disorder is an excuse for bad behavior.”

What?

After speaking for an hour on stigma and sharing some very personal stories about bipolar disorder, the needle never moved in this person’s mind.  And then I realized most people have absolutely no clue what those of us who have lived a lifetime with the impact of bipolar disorder have struggled through.  I’ve never once thought bipolar disorder was an excuse for anything.  A reason, yes.  An excuse, never.

My first episode was way back in 1999.  I was a director in a corporate office with a multi-million budget to manage.  Not only did I have a manic episode, I had a psychotic episode.  I ended up in an inpatient psychiatric care facility, which made me feel crazy.  And when people questioned my views and insights, I wondered if they thought I was crazy too?

Over the next 12 years, I struggled through 10 hospitalizations, a three-week stay in jail and worst of all losing most, if not all of my friends and some family members.  No one wants to be around people who are not mentally well.  It’s just a fact.  Maybe after a first episode, people may give you the benefit of the doubt.  But when the struggle goes on, everyone including family members get worn down.

I was fortunate.  I had a few strong and tough family members who have borne witness to my entire journey.  They stood with pride when I became an Olympian.  They dealt with their own disappointment when I started to struggle with my mental health.  And they hung on to see me recover and flourish again.  They believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.

I was also isolated for a long stretch of time.  I went weeks without having any family member in my home.  But I had two things that helped me bear the unbearable pain and suffering of relentless depression and suicidal thoughts.  I had my three dogs who I absolutely consider a gift from God.  And I also had my faith.

As I lie in my bed trying to squeeze out the suicidal thoughts, the horrific pain of being all alone without one friend in the entire world, and the mortifying realization that in that moment I couldn’t care for myself, I turned to what had always gotten me through the tough times.  I turned to my anchor, which is my faith in God.

Did prayer instantly solve my struggles?  No.  But it gave me hope.  And in those moments of struggle and despair, hope is the one thing that kept me going.  And that is why I feel anchored, even though managing bipolar disorder can wear me down.  I keep going because I’m driven by a higher power.  I’m driven to help other people.  I have found my calling.  And I am grateful to have a purpose.

If you’re struggling with a mental health condition, I can tell you the first thing you’ve got to do is work on getting stable.  If you have bipolar disorder, a treatment plan is 99.9% always going to include a medication regimen.  There’s just no and’s, if’s, but’s or reason to think you’re going to be the only person in the world who can manage a chronic, severe mental illness without medication.  If that’s your choice and it works for you – great.  But from experience I can tell you it’s not gonna work out well.

Secondly, I believe in mind, body and spirit.  When you combine getting stable with a personal recovery plan, spirituality is a big component of being well and balanced.

It helps to take small pieces of this very overwhelming journey to manage a mental illness.  And the one thing that’s required to have a healthy and happy life is a lot of hard work.

For those of you reading who have family members struggling, I just want to reach out and give you a big hug.  It’s not easy being you.  But whatever you do, don’t give up hope.  You’ve got to become the best salesperson in the world in selling to your loved one the whole idea that it’s okay to get help.  In fact, it’s a sign of strength to reach out.

Finally I want to finish by saying thank you to all my readers.  I’ve been blogging now for over four years.  Those who’ve been with me along the way know what journey it has been.  Thanks for all your support.  It matters.

Amy

 

Brave souls change hearts and minds!

by Amy Gamble, posted in Advocacy, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Inspiration, Mental Health Advocacy, Mental Illness, Recovery, Stigma, Uncategorized

cast photo

Photo: “This is My Brave” cast in Wheeling, West Virginia 

There’s a special feeling when we can be a part of something far bigger than we could ever accomplish alone.  This is my overwhelming feeling of having participated in Youth Services System and NAMI Greater Wheeling’s “This is My Brave Show,” which was held last night at the historic Capitol Theatre in Wheeling.

Audience photo

Photo:  The Experience Church Worship Team & Audience

If you aren’t familiar with “This is My Brave” let me shed some light on it for you.  It’s a national non-profit organization co-founded by the amazing Jennifer Marshall.  The purpose of the show is to allow those who live with mental health conditions (mental illness & substance use disorders) to share their stories through creative expression-poetry, original music, essay.  The intent is to impact the stigma of mental illness through story telling.

The sixteen cast members in our show inspired the audience and made a lasting impression on all those who attended.  Those who shared struggle with and persevere daily through challenges related to depression, anxiety, panic attacks, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, binge eating disorder, suicide attempts and alcoholism.  Our show had an added bonus with the Experience Church Worship Team (aka-the band), kicking off the show with their inspiring and impactful musical talents.

The audience feedback has been nothing but positive.

Many people have said the IQ on that stage was beyond impressive.  Translation – people with mental illness can be smart.  Multiple people said, “it was fascinating to see the broad range of socio-economic levels and diversity of those impacted by mental illness.  Translation – mental illness does not discriminate.   One gentleman said, “I’m not affected by mental illness and I never realized what people go through.  This show helped me understand what others deal with.  I’m so grateful to be here tonight.”

And…the overwhelming comment by numerous people, “This show is inspiring.”

This morning I received this amazing quote from one of our cast members, Mr. Bill Hogan.  Bill writes,

“I have been involved in a bunch of stuff in my almost 90 years but never have I been so “electrified” by a group or an event as I was last night.  I love the word mystery and last night the wonder of it all, that unidentifiable power that charged the people on the stage as a group and as individuals was wonderful and gave everyone in that theater, on stage and off , a sense of joyful peace.  Everything was lined up the way it is supposed to be.
I am thinking of a quote  by W.B. Yeats  “ Go forth teller of tales. And seize whatever prey your heart desires.  Have no fear. Everything exists.  And everything is
True. And the earth is but dust under our feet.”  I am truly blessed to have been fortunate enough to have been part of a great happening.”

And that my friends sums up my feelings of being a part of something greater than myself.  Being part of a movement to shed light on mental illness, one person and one story at a time.  As Jennifer Marshall says, “Storytelling saves lives!”  Indeed it does.

Jennifer Marshall and Cast Photo:  Jennifer Marshall speaking to the cast of “This is My Brave” Wheeling, West Virginia